I keep thinking about the day I heard Syrian refugee and swimmer Yusra Mardini's interview during the Olympics. It was the same day I talked about in my first post. You know, the one where I couldn't stop crying on the couch. Thought after thought fueled my emotions--Why aren't we capable of having a healthy baby like everyone else we know? What more could I have possibly done to prevent this heart defect? How the heck am I gonna get through the rest of this pregnancy knowing what I know?
I still credit Walter with ultimately getting me to stop sobbing and get off the coach...but there's a little more to the story. Right around the time he held me and tried to cheer me up, I stopped drowning out the TV just enough to hear Mardini say this:
"When you have a problem in your life, it doesn’t mean you have to sit around and cry like babies or something. The problem was the reason I am here, and why I am stronger and want to reach my goals. So I want to inspire everyone that [they] can do what they believe in their hearts.”
Wow. The timing was impeccable. I had, in fact, been sitting around all day crying like a baby. It's as if this Syrian refugee, who had to swim to save her life, was speaking directly to me. I really had no choice but to laugh and think--Man, she is soooo right.
That was nearly a month ago. This is now. I still break down every now and then. Staying strong, being resilient and keeping my faith is so HARD sometimes. It's much easier to weep and simmer in negative emotions. It's painful seeing my husband suffer through them too, wishing we could be like other couples we know. I find myself longing for common mommyhood problems. What I would give to trade all of this for a kid that keeps us up all night long (which we could still have)! I'm still having to work on keeping that terrible feeling of envy out of my life. But I would bet big bucks that any other mommy or daddy that has been in our shoes has felt the same way.
So here we go again. This is the part where I STOP crying like a baby and I talk about something positive. Walter and I decided to find out what we were having after all! It was a bittersweet decision because I know he was so excited at the thought of a surprise. But I was afraid one of the countless doctors, technicians or nurses would blow it by accident. Plus, I think finding out and choosing a name could really benefit our amazing prayer army. We'll keep you posted on that! :)
So we had our big "reveal" in the comfort of our living room. It was a party for three (us and Django). We finally opened the little card sent by the doctor's office. It was a sweet moment I will cherish for a long time! And here's the verdict...
Coincidentally, I'd bought all of these outfits before I knew anything. So I guess you could say I had a hunch! We are delighted to be having a little mini Walter!
In the next few weeks we will be visiting the surgeons that will save our baby boy's life. I have every faith in them and feel excited about what they will have to say. It's also worth mentioning that I know this kid is a fighter. He never stops moving! Every one keeps saying that's a great sign, so that's what I'm taking it as!
I'm gonna wrap this up by saying thank you. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my blog. Thanks to everyone who commented, messaged, called and wrote. We truly appreciate the caring attitudes and prayers. Your faith and encouragement lifts us up when we are feeling weak. This baby is a huge blessing to us and I know in time we will fully understand God's plan for our family. Please, keep all the good vibes coming!
